


Can't say what I mean

by TheHuntersAngel



Category: Doctor Who, Mattex - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-16 01:06:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/856020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHuntersAngel/pseuds/TheHuntersAngel





	Can't say what I mean

Alex stared at the laptop screen in disbelief. Just stared at it. Not a single acknowledgement. Not a single one. A tiny little mention. Nothing. She had worked with him right from the start, and she got nothing? Even Jenna got a message! And she'd not known him as long! Wasn't she good enough to mention in a good-bye message? Didn't she mean enough? _"No, Alex, come on, don't start that."_ She scolded herself in a hushed tone. Glancing to the side of her, she checked he was still asleep, only to frown when she saw him awake, staring nervously at her in the darkness. "I thought you were asleep." She mumbled, closing her laptop lid and turning the bedside lamp on instead. With a small stretch, he sat up. "You were watching it." He stated simply, avoiding Alex's statement completely. Alex pursed her lips for a moment. "You didn't mention me in the video, Matt. Why?" She asked softly, staring at the laptop lid; afraid that if she looked at him, her emotions would flood through.

 

She didn't move at all when she felt the matress shift under his weight as he turned to face her. "I didn't mention you because..." Matt hesitated. "It was only a short video." He finished. It wasn't what he wanted to say, not completely. But what he wanted to say, well it wouldn't come out. She turned her attention back to him, arching an eyebrow. "Matt, that doesn't..." She sighed through frustration and kicked her legs out from under the duvet. "If you can't even mention me in a damned video, I can see I don't mean any more to you than a quick shag when we're in the same country." She might have been over reacting, but the truth was, it was more than 'a quick shag' to her. She had well and truly fallen for her once floppy-haired ex-costar. Well and truly fallen head-over-heels, irrevocably in love with him. She began throwing her clothes back on, covering herself up again to make the journey back to her home. Matt scrambled out of the bed, falling flat on his face in his hurry to stand, muttering unintelligably as he did, floudering about for the right words. "I might see you next time I have Salome with me." She said rather bitterly before leaving the bedroom quickly.

 

Alex walked through his small apartment briskly, not wanting to stop and pick up the few things she had scattererd about. She felt too emotional for that. As she reached the front door, she heard Matt stumbling down the hall, calling her name. With a huff, she turned to look at him, her arms folded across her chest as she watched him hop on the spot to put his right leg into his sweat pants before pulling them up. "'Lex, please, listen. Let me explain." He said quickly. "It's perfectly clear, Matthew." She whispered, glancing away from him. Matt shook his head quickly, taking a step forward. "No, no it's not. Look. I only had a short time... I wanted to mention you. I did. Really." Alex frowned, "Then why didn't you?" She asked. "I only had a few minutes. Short video and all." He dropped his gaze to the wooden floor for a moment then looked back up, the tips of his ears turning pink. "I practiced over and over. Trying to shorten it down. But what I had to say about you, 'Lex, would've taken more time than the entire video. And whatever I said that  _was_ short enough, it didn't say enough. It didn't say what I meant." As he spoke, her features softened and she unfolded her arms, letting them drop to her sides. "What would you have said then?" She asked in a whisper, unable to make her voice go any louder. Matt stared at her for a moment before running his hand over his head.

 

Sighing softly, his eyes met hers, "My Mrs. Robinson. Thank you. For everything. But  _'thank you'_ can't sum this up for you. Ms Kingson, Alex. You were there right from the start. From my first bumbling lines, when I was so nervous that I was going to mess everything up, through everything as my Doctor matured into the Doctor the fans grew to love, right until Trenzalore. And  _'thank you'_ will never be enough. Over the time we spent together, I learned how to be a better actor. You taught me so much, both for the screen, and for stage. You helped me get over my fear and you helped me play the Doctor perfectly. You helped me calm my nerves, and the episodes with River in, they were my favourite to shoot, because I knew whatever uncertainty I had, I could talk it out with you and everything would be perfectly fine. I didn't have to talk it out with one of the directors and have them not understand completely what I meant, because you... you understood what I meant. You understood me. Kingston, taught me how to be a better me, more importantly, how to be a better man." He gnawed lightly on his bottom lip for a moment. "Most of all though..." A short pause as he closed the gap between them, taking her hands in his, his eyes never leaving hers. Not for a single second. "Most of all, I learned how to unselfishly love someone, because Alex, I started to fall for you, right from the day we met. And I learned that I didn't care about my happiness, I didn't care about not being able to be seen around with you, about being 20 years younger than you, all I cared about was your happiness, and I still care about your happiness. So much."

 

She was speechless. Her eyes stung as tears threatened to fall, some escaping silently down her cheeks. "Say something." He pleaded. "I love you, you big idiot." She finally said, a grin on her face. "I love you, 'Lex." He smiled. Alex flung her arms around his neck, his arms wrapping tightly around her tiny waist as he held her against his chest. They stood there, wrapped in each others arms for what seemed like hours - but in reality was only a few minutes before he started to whisper in her ear.

 

_"Great things can be expressed_   
_In fifteen words or less and pinned onto your heart_   
_Words just don't do it justice_   
_The world and its crust is still drifting apart_   
  
_Can't say what I mean_   
  
_Do you know when you go I get all tongue-tied_   
_I'm the same all again back when you arrive"_


End file.
